Acts of Vodka
Even the sound of his key turning in the lock made Kevin’s head throb horribly. He wished he could erase last night from his memory entirely. Shortly after arriving at the restaurant he began to drink vodka tonics one after another.
Normally Kevin wasn’t much of a drinker but last night was a different story. He had agreed to the blind date reluctantly and desperately needed something to calm his nerves a bit while waiting for her. Before she even arrived he had finished two drinks and ordered a third. All of this despite the fact that she showed up less than ten minutes late to meet him. So much for a first impression.
Hangovers are never a good thing to have, especially when you have to open the office the next morning, Kevin thought to himself and winced. After unlocking the back door he shuffled blindly towards his office without turning on any lights along the way. Janice would be here any minute. She could turn on the lights and open the store; Kevin could only slump over his desk with his head resting on the oversized calendar below.
On normal days Janice irritated him. Today she would be ruthless. Janice was the sort of person who enjoyed other people’s suffering. Kevin always assumed her attitude covered up the fact that she herself was miserable as well. Today will be the highlight of her week once she realizes what shape I’m in, Kevin thought.
As soon as she walked in the door and saw all the lights off Janice began to wonder what Kevin was up to. He would certainly hear about making her walk through the dark to the light switches once she found him. After switching on the lights to the whole store, unlocking the front doors and opening the register, Janice found Kevin hiding in his office with a wastebasket clutched in his shaking hand.
In an instant Janice knew what was going on. Instead of being sympathetic she decided to torture Kevin as much as possible. Before Kevin had a chance to notice her standing in the doorway Janice barked in her loudest, most mocking tone, “Somebody feeling under the weather? Too much partying last night perhaps?”
“Something like that,” the lump on the desk answered without looking up. Just as Janice started to jab at Kevin further the bell rang to signify that a customer had entered the front door.
“This isn’t over. I’ll be back” she called over her shoulder.
“Believe me, I know.” Kevin said as he lifted his head and attempted to look busy. Soon he heard Janice and another familiar voice having a heated discussion in the lobby. “Please let Janice take care of it,” Kevin said aloud to no one in particular. “Whatever she does, I don’t care.”
“What is the point of having insurance then if you won’t fix it?” the customer asked. Inwardly Beth loathed having to spend her only day off arguing with a bitchy sales woman who refused to replace her cell phone even though she paid an extra $5.95 a month to insure it against accidental damage.
“Ma’am, the coverage doesn’t apply to acts of vodka.” Janice answered with as much sass as she could muster.
“But it was an accident. Why does it matter? Just give me a new one, an old one if you have to, I just need a phone that works,” Beth countered, getting progressively more livid by the second. “I’ve been a customer here well beyond my initial contract. I expect better service than this!” Yes, she demanded a working phone but for Beth the problem had escalated into proving this rude sales woman wrong as well.
Then, as if she was a completely different person, Beth calmly said, “I understand that you are bound to corporate policy. If possible, I’d like to speak to your manager please.” It was worth a shot she thought in desperation.
Normally Janice wasn’t the type of person to admit defeat or resort to others for backup but the customer presented an interesting opportunity. If she could coax Kevin out of his office the customer could bitch at him for a while as he squirmed. “Certainly Ma’am” Janice replied in an unnaturally helpful tone and disappeared down a hallway. She was happy to hand the difficult customer off to Kevin, especially in light of his current state. He could deal with the woman while Janice sadistically watched.
Soon the unhelpful woman trotted back down the hallway triumphantly with a man whom Beth assumed to be the store manager following behind. “Oh shit!” Beth accidentally exclaimed out loud. It was him, the terrible blind date she had met last night and the reason her phone was sticky and stinking of Vodka.
The date had gone badly from his drunken “Hello.” About 45 minutes into the date he spilled his drink down her leg and into her purse, coating and damaging her phone. On her way home she vowed never to go on any blind date or see Kevin ever again.
As soon as Kevin saw Beth his face burned like a wood stove. He felt like an ass for last night and this moment. Before Beth could even think of what to say he blurted out, “We’ll replace that for you right away. Just pick out whatever phone you like and I’ll take care of everything.”
The look of shock on Janice’s face satisfied Beth almost as much as getting a new phone of her choice. “But her plan doesn’t cover water damage,” Janice interjected in an attempt not to be over ruled in front of the problem customer. The looks she simultaneously received from the customer and Kevin told her to stay out of it.
Out of spite, Beth selected the most expensive phone in the store. In minutes she walked out of the store with the new cell phone in her purse. Kevin had even retrieved the numbers from her old phone and entered them into the new one as a way of apologizing even further.
“Maybe the date wasn’t so bad after all,” Beth thought with a laugh as she drove home, “at least I got a new phone out of it.
The look on Kevin’s face when he saw her standing there in the store was worth a purse full of vodka. Someday Beth might even regret tossing his number out the window last night, but she doubted it.